About mindfulness, kindness & compassion
What is mindfulness?
Mindfulness is awareness of whatever is going on in our experience, moment by moment, without judgment and with an attitude of acceptance and kindness.
Cultivating mindfulness allows us to notice our thinking; how much time we spend dwelling on the past, anticipating the future or criticising and judging ourselves and others. Mindfulness brings us choice; we can choose to let go of unhelpful thoughts and return to the present. We also gain more choice about how we respond to events in our lives, instead of reacting automatically we can pause for a moment and choose to respond to events in more skilful and helpful ways.
Mindfulness can connect us with the beauty and goodness in our lives. Many of us live life on autopilot, rushing through one task while thinking about the next task, not noticing what is unfolding in the moment. Mindfulness allows us to notice and enjoy interactions with others, little everyday pleasures, and all the beauty around us. Doing this can bring a deep sense of wellbeing.
How do I learn mindfulness?
Anyone can learn to be more mindful, it is an innate capacity we all have. Mindfulness training cultivates this capacity with mindfulness meditations and mini mindfulness practices that can be built into our days.
Mindfulness meditation involves setting time aside to practice being aware or our present moment experience. We sit quietly and focus lightly on a mindfulness support, often the sensations of the breath, or sounds around us. Every time we notice that our attention has wandered away from the support and become caught up in thinking, we gently and kindly bring it back. In this way we develop our ability to let go of thoughts and come back to the present. By doing this work gently and kindly, we also cultivate our ability to be kind and accepting towards ourselves, whatever we experience.
We can cultivate mindfulness in the midst of our day-to-day life by deliberately doing small things mindfully. For example, we could choose to drink a cup of tea mindfully, paying attention to the detail of the experience, to what we see, smell, taste and feel, and bringing our mind back to the experience whenever it wanders off into thinking. Being mindful of daily experiences can be very calming as well as allowing us to notice and appreciate the good things in our lives.
Why kindness and compassion?
Mindfulness benefits us most when it is practiced with kindness and compassion. We aim to hold our experience with an attitude of kindness, warmth, gentleness and consideration. This counteracts any tendencies to be judgmental and critical towards ourselves and others. Kindness can help us to relax in our practice and in our lives, which helps to calm and steady our minds.
Compassion combines noticing difficulties with a wish to alleviate them, perhaps with kind words or actions. Self-compassion involves doing this for ourselves by treating ourselves with kindness, warmth, care and understanding whenever we are struggling. Compassion counteracts tendencies to ignore and push away difficulties or to blame or criticise ourselves when we are struggling. Practicing compassion supports us through tough times and builds our resilience.
How do I learn to be kinder and more compassionate?
Kindness and compassion are cultivated both through the attitude we bring to our mindfulness practice and with specific meditations and actions. The Loving Kindness meditation is a popular practice for cultivating kindness. During this meditation we say phrases wishing ourselves and others well. Compassion can be brought into our lives with the self-compassion break, a mini practice developed by the psychologist Kristin Neff. In this practice, when we are experiencing difficulties, we pause and notice this, recognise that our struggles are just part of being human and they don’t indicate that there is anything wrong with us, and we resolve to support ourselves with kindness. This practice can transform self-critical tendencies into more wholesome and helpful ways of engaging with life’s difficulties.